I've tried to write this for so long.
Putting meaningfully meaningless words on a page.
Then backspacing it all
or saving as draft
After minutes of blank staring
Never pushing publish.

[I thought the words were gone.
That the well was dried up
Or life was suddenly too
horribly mundane
inexplicably sad
nauseating amazing
To share.
I was wrong.

In a world where every word
or status update
May be seen as a ply for attention
A helpless SOS for self affection and pity
I chose to remain silent
To not be mis-read as
"that girl."
(and oh, how I loathe "that girl").

Where I never know
Who may be reading
or why
What may be unknowingly implied
And being uninterested in
expending useless words
in explaining the complexities of
dissatisfaction-tempered with-stage of life and the tension of being in and not of- plus life sometimes is just hard-combined with this is not a cry for help-PLEASE
tired of needing to explain
again and again.

Bound by public image
By love
And honor
Of discerning being private
Until it needs to be public
And those little gremlins
whispering
What? Words? You? Pah.
Oh that's right, I think what I say matters
Or is read
Add self-doubt and
False self-importance to the list.
Okay here we go:]

Life is, and continues to be
More difficult
More beautiful
More real
Than I imagined.
I'm 26
Officially mid-to-late 20's
And attempting to discover
This stage of life's implications
For me, and for Dan
Where my peer's implications
are spread out throughout
Photos and updates
on Facebook.
I can see that it maybe means
Babies
Houses
Buying a dog
Taking trips
Dreaming dreams
And possibly pretending to be more
together
Than you really are,
in private.

But for me, today
For us, in the near future
We are content
And sometimes scared
And mostly mystified
To dream dreams
To live transparently
Babies. Houses. Puppies.
Can all live out on the horizon a bit longer.
Rather.
We aim to laugh more
Love deeper
And live lives whose mutual stories
Are unfolding
And unfurling
In new, amazing ways.
And you
Dear reader
Will be hearing about it
Here.