love is waiting - adoption story
14 years ago
Hope, Joy and Anticipation
It seems fitting that Advent comes in the season where light becomes increasingly fleeting. I have begun flinging open the blinds on our windows, scant insulation be damned, just to get a few rays into the house. Too much light, too fast, blinds us and throws our world into disarray. Too little light and we stumble around, hoping that our eyes will acclimate. If we are impatient, if the light comes too slowly for our tastes, we begin charting new paths, we stop trusting and begin rollercoastering into anxiety.
As my little girl chirps and plays at my feet and I savor the last bite of a buttery, flakey pecan pie crust I'm wondering what I want out of advent this year. This season of anticipation is not about getting and wanting, but about waiting, hoping and praying...even still.
I want to see miracles. I want to experience the miracle of a virgin conceiving, the grace of her fiance, the hope and light coming to earth, of Emmanuel. I want the miracle of peace when the storms are raging, because in this early season for many they are already under siege. The miracle of families coming together, of paltry ingredients coming together to make a feast, of a skittish cat who assimilates into a new house. Peace in the storm would truly be a miracle, the next three weeks are going to be intense at work. Maintaining the miracle, the focus on grace and love and hope during the coming days is something I long for.
As the light builds, may my vision be expanded.
May I not flail around for a foothold, but may I cling to hope and joy.
In times of dark and uncertainty, glimmers of light may illuminate my path.
May I anticipate, may I hope, may he come
Emmanuel.
There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
It's hard to kill.
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe
Somehow you will
You will when you believe.
As my little girl chirps and plays at my feet and I savor the last bite of a buttery, flakey pecan pie crust I'm wondering what I want out of advent this year. This season of anticipation is not about getting and wanting, but about waiting, hoping and praying...even still.
I want to see miracles. I want to experience the miracle of a virgin conceiving, the grace of her fiance, the hope and light coming to earth, of Emmanuel. I want the miracle of peace when the storms are raging, because in this early season for many they are already under siege. The miracle of families coming together, of paltry ingredients coming together to make a feast, of a skittish cat who assimilates into a new house. Peace in the storm would truly be a miracle, the next three weeks are going to be intense at work. Maintaining the miracle, the focus on grace and love and hope during the coming days is something I long for.
As the light builds, may my vision be expanded.
May I not flail around for a foothold, but may I cling to hope and joy.
In times of dark and uncertainty, glimmers of light may illuminate my path.
May I anticipate, may I hope, may he come
Emmanuel.
There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
It's hard to kill.
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe
Somehow you will
You will when you believe.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Lord willing, if everything goes to plan...we will be crossing into Samaria (aka Iowa) in about 24 hours. I'm still waiting for that pre-trip stress to set in. The stress that gets me to start spinning my wheels, thinking that there isn't enough time to accomplish everything wherein I usually end up getting less done than I could have, had I kept my cool. It'll happen, have no fear. But, until it does, I'm working on getting a few things done for class and work before I start getting concerned about what I'm forgetting.
Lately, though, I feel like my life is pretty boring. Class, work, homework and daily upkeep around the house keep my hours pretty well (over)filled. When it comes down to sit here and write something, I find myself not being nearly the introspective or witty person I want to be (or want to emulate) so I write these filler posts with beige updates about what I've been puttering around and doing. I will say that I feel like I am on the edge. I'm feeling more and more convicted about things in my life, so much so that I may have to begin acting on these convictions (the shock, the horror). What holds me back? The laziness and busyness of my (generally) boring life. Boring is not bad, in fact after a crazy last year, boring is a welcome change. But the whisperings of my heart are quickly becoming too loud for me to continue to ignore. The hollowness I have felt for so long is slowly dissipating. I long to feel a part of something bigger than myself once again. What needs to change? I'm not sure. But I know more and more each day that I can't continue on like this. I can't keep on going the same way I am, if I do, I fear I will lose a portion of myself.
All that to say, this vacation is a welcome return to roots. To break bread and give thanks. To remember where I came from and start to get some perspective so I can begin to think about where I am going. Thankfulness.
Lately, though, I feel like my life is pretty boring. Class, work, homework and daily upkeep around the house keep my hours pretty well (over)filled. When it comes down to sit here and write something, I find myself not being nearly the introspective or witty person I want to be (or want to emulate) so I write these filler posts with beige updates about what I've been puttering around and doing. I will say that I feel like I am on the edge. I'm feeling more and more convicted about things in my life, so much so that I may have to begin acting on these convictions (the shock, the horror). What holds me back? The laziness and busyness of my (generally) boring life. Boring is not bad, in fact after a crazy last year, boring is a welcome change. But the whisperings of my heart are quickly becoming too loud for me to continue to ignore. The hollowness I have felt for so long is slowly dissipating. I long to feel a part of something bigger than myself once again. What needs to change? I'm not sure. But I know more and more each day that I can't continue on like this. I can't keep on going the same way I am, if I do, I fear I will lose a portion of myself.
All that to say, this vacation is a welcome return to roots. To break bread and give thanks. To remember where I came from and start to get some perspective so I can begin to think about where I am going. Thankfulness.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
I'm worn out. This whole week has been a big push to get to this point, I feel like. Let's do a Sunday recap before I do a Monday looking ahead.
Monday night was class. I'm loving my classes still. I feel incredibly fortunate to be currently in ministry while I am in seminary. It causes me to wrestle more with issues and concepts...and, I think that it's keeping me on my critical thinking feet. I'm thinking more healthily and completely in this area.
Tuesday was work and then Dan and I went over to watch election coverage at his brother's house. Matt had some mutual friends over and we flipped back and forth between Comedy Central's election coverage and the coverage on CNN. We really liked seeing the new technology, but somehow we missed seeing the hologram interview. Celebratory drinks all around -- Gobama. Fingers crossed for January 20.
Wednesday -- long night at church. Busy night, our first night having several of our junior highers at a special practice for our musical, so there were adjustments there. Meetings in the morning, lots of projects get put to the backburner in order to plan creatively for Wednesday nights. It's frustrating to me and I'm trying to work on a better balance.
Thursday I thought I had a meeting at night but dd not end up having one. Worked until 5 and came home.
Friday, my usual day off, had our monthly big event. We had a senior high lockin, by all reports a good success. The kids are really fun, it went well. I'm so tired from it though.
Saturday, Dan and I slept for most of the late morning and afternoon. We did some house cleaning and headed out to dinner with a group of my friends from college. Several of these girls and spouses we see from time to time (or regularly) but it's rare to be able to get so many of us together. It was a fun night with lots of laughter. Even better, Julie and Chris were in town for it and came back and stayed the night in our spare bedroom. It is so much fun to catch up with those two and I wish they lived closer. Such is life.
The boiler was not on in church today and it was cold. Confirmation until 3 and then cleaning up after that took awhile.
It's been a work-heavy weekend, but really a pretty good week, considering. I've built up a little grace so I can sleep in a bit tomorrow, I'm sure. Can it really be Monday again already?
Monday night was class. I'm loving my classes still. I feel incredibly fortunate to be currently in ministry while I am in seminary. It causes me to wrestle more with issues and concepts...and, I think that it's keeping me on my critical thinking feet. I'm thinking more healthily and completely in this area.
Tuesday was work and then Dan and I went over to watch election coverage at his brother's house. Matt had some mutual friends over and we flipped back and forth between Comedy Central's election coverage and the coverage on CNN. We really liked seeing the new technology, but somehow we missed seeing the hologram interview. Celebratory drinks all around -- Gobama. Fingers crossed for January 20.
Wednesday -- long night at church. Busy night, our first night having several of our junior highers at a special practice for our musical, so there were adjustments there. Meetings in the morning, lots of projects get put to the backburner in order to plan creatively for Wednesday nights. It's frustrating to me and I'm trying to work on a better balance.
Thursday I thought I had a meeting at night but dd not end up having one. Worked until 5 and came home.
Friday, my usual day off, had our monthly big event. We had a senior high lockin, by all reports a good success. The kids are really fun, it went well. I'm so tired from it though.
Saturday, Dan and I slept for most of the late morning and afternoon. We did some house cleaning and headed out to dinner with a group of my friends from college. Several of these girls and spouses we see from time to time (or regularly) but it's rare to be able to get so many of us together. It was a fun night with lots of laughter. Even better, Julie and Chris were in town for it and came back and stayed the night in our spare bedroom. It is so much fun to catch up with those two and I wish they lived closer. Such is life.
The boiler was not on in church today and it was cold. Confirmation until 3 and then cleaning up after that took awhile.
It's been a work-heavy weekend, but really a pretty good week, considering. I've built up a little grace so I can sleep in a bit tomorrow, I'm sure. Can it really be Monday again already?
Starting Off On The Right Foot
Monday, November 3, 2008
It feels like: spring today -- some sort of precipitation coupled with unseasonably warm temperatures created a balmy, damp atmosphere as I walked to work. Inhale it all in, because it is supposed to snow on Wednesday.
This weekend: Felt busier than it probably was. We had friends over for Halloween on Friday night. Amidst the handing out of candy and great talking among old and newer friends, we watched a classic: Scream. Parts of the movie still hold up and I remembered how thrilled and scared this movie made me when I was in highschool. We slept in (yay!) on Saturday and then met some of Dan's friends from work for a late lunch at Famous Dave's -- where I consumed some delicious brisket. We came home and relaxed for the rest of the night (I also did some homework). Sunday was a long day. I was at church until 2ish with a student leadership meeting. I left encouraged at the progress these kids are making in leadership and changing paradigms..but with a list of my own that I needed to work on. The rest of the night found us intermittantly working and relaxing. Delicious taco salad for dinner with homemade seasoning -- what an adventure.
This week: The constant grind of class and homework, which I am still enjoying. I'm voting tomorrow and we are watching the election with Matt. Wednesday finds me back in normal programming. Thursday I have a meeting at church. Friday night is our senior high lock-in...and Saturday night friends of mine from college are coming into town and staying the evening at our house. It's going to be a busy week, but full of good things (hopefully).
Today I really need to: Clean out my office and start work on my sermon. I'm preaching on the 23rd and in a small state of denial about it still. Also I need to finish studying for a test tonight.
Goal for the week: I started my day with some exercises and not sleeping in as much as I wanted to. I'd like to start each day like that this week. We'll see.
This weekend: Felt busier than it probably was. We had friends over for Halloween on Friday night. Amidst the handing out of candy and great talking among old and newer friends, we watched a classic: Scream. Parts of the movie still hold up and I remembered how thrilled and scared this movie made me when I was in highschool. We slept in (yay!) on Saturday and then met some of Dan's friends from work for a late lunch at Famous Dave's -- where I consumed some delicious brisket. We came home and relaxed for the rest of the night (I also did some homework). Sunday was a long day. I was at church until 2ish with a student leadership meeting. I left encouraged at the progress these kids are making in leadership and changing paradigms..but with a list of my own that I needed to work on. The rest of the night found us intermittantly working and relaxing. Delicious taco salad for dinner with homemade seasoning -- what an adventure.
This week: The constant grind of class and homework, which I am still enjoying. I'm voting tomorrow and we are watching the election with Matt. Wednesday finds me back in normal programming. Thursday I have a meeting at church. Friday night is our senior high lock-in...and Saturday night friends of mine from college are coming into town and staying the evening at our house. It's going to be a busy week, but full of good things (hopefully).
Today I really need to: Clean out my office and start work on my sermon. I'm preaching on the 23rd and in a small state of denial about it still. Also I need to finish studying for a test tonight.
Goal for the week: I started my day with some exercises and not sleeping in as much as I wanted to. I'd like to start each day like that this week. We'll see.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts (Atom)
