sitting still

hello fall

Hello beautiful cool fall weather that suddenly happened upon us on Tuesday afternoon. It's so lovely to go outside and feel some crisp air. Leaves are still green, flowers are still in bloom and there is still sweet corn from the in-laws in the fridge, but the air outside suggests the change of seasons that is happening all around us. And, while it will fluctuate, it gives me hope for invigorating days ahead.

Hello busy fall season. It's been a crazy week for Dan (first week of classes at Bethel) with many computer issues that need fixing. There are many reasons that I love and admire my husband, but this week I'm particularly awed by his visible peace under pressure and focus to get tasks done. It's been a demanding week and he probably deserves more comp time then he'll get for it...but I'm seriously proud of my husband this week.

Not that my week has been a walk in the park (and not that I want to complain about it). Fall needs are creeping up at church also. Welcome Sunday is in a few days and we launch youth group later that week. There's lots that needs to be done still, and mostly it feels farther away than it likely really is. I wish I could replicate some of Dan's ability to focus, but I know that my environment that I work in is prone to many distractions and last minute changes.

And me? At the moment, I'm sitting still. Calming my mind, trying to think clearly. There is much to be panicked about (at work and in general) and much to be excited about (at work and in general) but today I need to regroup. To sit still. To remember why I do what I do. To remember that I'm passing the two year mark at this job and start thinking about what the future holds (changes or more of the same or both). I'm looking forward to starting school in a few weeks and even though I think that I have a plan and know why I'm attending, I wouldn't be surprised if God shows up and plans are changed.

But mostly, lately, my life has felt like it is all about doing and reacting...and that I have been unable to reflect and think. So I'm sitting still. For just a moment. Giving myself a break before the day even begins. Because God shows up every day, I'm the one who gets too busy to notice. And God wants to be involved in my plans and I'm the one who thinks that I know what I'm doing and goes about it like it's all about me. And God talks and I'm deafening myself with the worries and concerns that are drowning out joy and peace...and I need to pause and to listen. So, today I'm starting slowly. I'm doing some reflecting, some slowing and some listening. Because, if not now...then when?