Just some assorted life updates:

-After having our amazing quarterback taken out for the season in the first game, the Curry6 are currently in first place (according to Dan) in our fantasy football league. Heck yes. We should have named the team "I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing...."
-In the past week a/both cats have 1) peed on the papasan cushion 2) broken a lamp from IKEA and 3) barfed on the rug in the kitchen....the one spot where there's not tile and they picked the lighted patch of carpet they could find. I love them but damn, they're being cats this week.
-I started seminary. I really like it. I left feeling good about my schedule and classes and affirmed in my undergrad's preparation for my grad-level courses.
-I realized I'm an uber-nerd.
-We're going to a wedding this weekend.
-My parents come the next weekend (yay!).
-We are three weeks shy of our 1 year anniversary (and delicious Italian wine we can then open)
-Youth group is actually growing in size this year (and will probably shrink tomorrow since I said that).
-We're running again. This time for reals. And it keeps getting easier. Craziness.

So that's about it. Life is busy and good. Work is stressful but there are some real positive points to it at the moment. All positive notes except for the cat's destructive habits (which is typical). :)

permission granted

Making the decision meant my first real failure. Yes there have been misspoken words, missteps and minor mistakes made along the way of these first 2 years of youth ministry, but making the decision to dissolve this ministry meant, in my head, failure.

Not that I ever defined it that way until yesterday. But that's how it felt. A haunting feeling that unless I somehow forced everything into working order then somehow my viability as a youth minister was pulled into question. There was a lot of guilt. A lot of shut doors. A lot of fighting and praying on my part, on behalf of the program. And a lot of beating myself up over how it wasn't working out. Somehow it was my fault (in my head) that there weren't enough volunteers for this ministry and because there weren't, then I had failed.

Until Sunday night. Stomach in knots, anxiety running high while my self worth was plummeting. I was doing what Dan hates -- beating myself up mentally over something that's not important or not my fault. If I had been in first grade I would have faked a fever (something I never did) but because I'm 24 and not in first grade, I had to figure out how to be an adult and "make it work." That's when the realization hit me. I had done the best that I could do. I didn't have anything that should call my worth into question. Yes, it's sad that this specialized ministry won't be around this year and yes, I'm upset at how this makes me look professionally. But truly, in the end, I had done the best I could do...I can't make people volunteer. I was given permission to fail.

I was also able to see the heart of my anxieties as well. I was beating myself up because I assumed that would be what people would do over this (not literally, again -- not in first grade). But if anyone was going to call my abilities and worth into question, it had might as well be me! It's been a weird road to walk down these last few weeks. Usually things work out for me and everything moves along swimmingly. This is one of those rare instances where nothing worked and I really didn't know what to do. The question of course is, so what did you learn from this? We do try to learn things also to justify our failures, don't we? But I did learn. I learned to not be so intimidated when asking for volunteers, I learned a bit more about discerning what the real messages are (when everyone says that they'd love to volunteer but the timing isn't right...and your deacon starts talking about being realistic about the ministries we can sustain at this time in our life, well...you start to get the picture of what God's doing behind the scenes. Maybe.) And I learned to give myself some slack. I haven't felt anxious about this since that Sunday realization. With the permission to fail, my mood shifted and my heart felt lighter. I knew that was the right decision and that I am adult enough to deal with the consequences.

Youth group starts tonight with an entirely different take on things. We're adding in new people and being intentional about how we use others. New volunteers are re/joining our ranks. It's going to be a great night. This is the stuff that I love to do. And I am thankful.

New Kitten Pictures

Crossed-eyed in his favorite place...

Yup, Ender still loves hanging out in laundry baskets

Doesn't Bean make the most beautiful faces sometimes?



There's a lot of love here..

sitting still

hello fall

Hello beautiful cool fall weather that suddenly happened upon us on Tuesday afternoon. It's so lovely to go outside and feel some crisp air. Leaves are still green, flowers are still in bloom and there is still sweet corn from the in-laws in the fridge, but the air outside suggests the change of seasons that is happening all around us. And, while it will fluctuate, it gives me hope for invigorating days ahead.

Hello busy fall season. It's been a crazy week for Dan (first week of classes at Bethel) with many computer issues that need fixing. There are many reasons that I love and admire my husband, but this week I'm particularly awed by his visible peace under pressure and focus to get tasks done. It's been a demanding week and he probably deserves more comp time then he'll get for it...but I'm seriously proud of my husband this week.

Not that my week has been a walk in the park (and not that I want to complain about it). Fall needs are creeping up at church also. Welcome Sunday is in a few days and we launch youth group later that week. There's lots that needs to be done still, and mostly it feels farther away than it likely really is. I wish I could replicate some of Dan's ability to focus, but I know that my environment that I work in is prone to many distractions and last minute changes.

And me? At the moment, I'm sitting still. Calming my mind, trying to think clearly. There is much to be panicked about (at work and in general) and much to be excited about (at work and in general) but today I need to regroup. To sit still. To remember why I do what I do. To remember that I'm passing the two year mark at this job and start thinking about what the future holds (changes or more of the same or both). I'm looking forward to starting school in a few weeks and even though I think that I have a plan and know why I'm attending, I wouldn't be surprised if God shows up and plans are changed.

But mostly, lately, my life has felt like it is all about doing and reacting...and that I have been unable to reflect and think. So I'm sitting still. For just a moment. Giving myself a break before the day even begins. Because God shows up every day, I'm the one who gets too busy to notice. And God wants to be involved in my plans and I'm the one who thinks that I know what I'm doing and goes about it like it's all about me. And God talks and I'm deafening myself with the worries and concerns that are drowning out joy and peace...and I need to pause and to listen. So, today I'm starting slowly. I'm doing some reflecting, some slowing and some listening. Because, if not now...then when?