The other day at work, I was struck by this strong, inner thought: "you are doing exactly what you were created to do." What that "what" is, I'm not sure. I'm fairly certain that walking down the hall in order to fetch a volley ball, even though that was my present activity, is not precisely what I was created to be. A few days later, I realized that I haven't checked the time to count down the minutes before I could leave work. It is interesting how when I've looked for opportunities to bail, affirmation keeps setting in.

Not that I'm looking for reasons to bail from this job, necessarily. I think that my restless tendencies are quite natural to who I am. There are few things that I settle in to, a handful of friendships, my marriage, purchasing a cat or two...some may argue that my ability to frequently wreck my cars (going on over a year in my current Honda) is proof that when I subconsciously get bored with something my insurance takes the hit. So, it is a little strange to me to not have too much to be restless with in my current job.

Not that my performance couldn't improve, or there aren't kids to be worried about, or staff dynamics aren't weird (when aren't they for anyone?)...but vocationally, things are fairly calm. I am confident (still, nearly two years later) that I am where I need to be and that I am doing what I was created to do. What that what is, I'm still figuring out. It must go deeper than youth ministry, I've always thought that this isn't my "Forever" (which would be a bit much, no?http://www.youtube.com/watch?)v=b4qwIi_1eMk) but it is a good place to be until the next burning bush moment comes along.

two dozen

Spring sprung yesterday. Somewhat fitting, that the most beautiful day this year would be on my birthday. As I sat on the front step last night, stuffed to the gills with yummy food and sweet love, I tilted my head back to breathe in the musky damp spring air -- thick with new life and growth. The night had barely a chill, and I peered through the front window, past the two cats curiously peering at their owner outside, looking in and wondering at the life lived inside that room. It looked like a good life, cozy, fairly clean. Beautiful teal walls, cute cats to cuddle with and I knew that in that moment, the people living in that house were lovely people, leading a wonderful life. All I could do was shed a tear at the beauty I saw, at the beauty I take for granted, at the beauty of life.

To all who made this weekend special, thank you. To the one I have shared now 3 birthdays with, I love you.

real. simple.

Most are not likely moved to tears by the presence of a magazine in their mailbox. And, if you know anything about me, you know that I wasn't either. But, if I was the person who was moved to tears with any regularity, then I can assure you that receiving Real Simple in the mail yesterday would have. Instead, I smiled really huge and opened my Valentine's Day gift.

Granted, a magazine subscription is not what most people would ask for when it comes to an occasion such as the big VDay. But, to me, it's a simple luxury that I wasn't expecting. When the two year subscription I had bought for myself at the end of college ran out (as in "we've sent you at least one more issue than we were supposed to in hopes that you'd change your mind and now this is really REALLY the last issue!") I figured that was the end of it. We've been trying to cut back, hold off on some unneeded expenses, and a 200+ page bimonthly tome giving instructions on living simply on a bloated budget seemed to pass the test of "unneeded."

But after a month or two of not getting it in the mail, I started to miss it. And I didn't really hide the fact either. But, when VDay started to roll around, Dan disappeared to the bedroom and came back with a check made out to Real Simple for a renewed subscription. Let me tell you, if you're going to go off of the gift list, let you stray in a way that takes you to the simple heart and soul of a gift like this.

Dan and I celebrated our 6 month anniversary on Sunday. Small victories in a world of arguments and breakups need to be celebrated. 6 months, basically still fairly happy with one another, is 6 months well spent. I look at him and am so happy we got married when we did (sorry mom, I know you wanted more than 4 months) and I can't picture it a different way. This is life. It's real and it's simple...without 200+ pages of bloated budgets. My rock, my clown and my love: my husband who I love more and more each day. I am so lucky to be living this life alongside you. I love you. <3

I'm in that phase of having to do what I don't like to do at work: project things onto a summer calendar. Trying to figure out what worked last year and what didn't. I'm decidedly trying to ensure that these dates are ones that we stick firm to in order to avoid some of the snafus from last year. Arranging those meetings is stressful and tiring. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels just to stay in place.

For the last month and a half, I've been attending worship planning meetings. I've enjoyed it, for the most part, and felt that it's using a different skill set and allowing me some creativity I don't get to tap into generally. Come the advent of the worhip design team and the role the worship pastor had wanted me to play on the worship planning team is being removed and I am now an "email your thoughts in" member of this design team. Does the change free me up, give me one less meeting a month (and less worship planning meetings) which allow me to focus on my role as youth minister? -- definately. Does it also feel somewhat like a slap in the face to be encouraged and then get assigned a lateral position that I don't really feel fits me? Yeah, definately. In any case, I'm still trying to discern how I feel about it. I'm mostly just wondering why they were so eager to have me be on the worship planning team if they knew this was coming down the pipe so soon (which it seems like the case).

All this to say, I'm at work. Trying to focus. Trying to plan. Trying for this to not be a huge pain in the neck (which I don't need, because all my stress already goes to my shoulders.) These last days of being 23, they are trying times.

a lonley bird cries
watch out! the snow is coming
April, you are cruel

Cats At Nap

Sprawld!

I like the stripes on this shot.

I am trying to sleep with my leg hiked up this far!

Sleepy kitty. You'd think that these were all that we talk about. Ever.

Guilty

Meetings

Is there myth to be found in the mundane nature of meetings? I still don't know. In the long term, huge scope of the beast -- yes. There is beauty in the Body coming together, sustaining and supporting a church (the Church) over months and years. In the nitty gritty 12 hour work day reality, there not so much beauty as there is annoyance, boredom, frustration and hope.

Then again, as I reflect on my past few hours this morning, perhaps this is why God exists outside of time. The beautiful drama of our lives plays out in the backdrop of the "big picture", it is seen when taken in context with other things. There is beauty in the small minutae, that is enhanced in the context of story and..well, context. The grace enters when God enters in to the minutae of our lives, into the mundane meetings and meets us in our beautiful, muddled existence.

Maybe it's a stretch. Yesterday was really long.