survival

"Our problem is not that we ask for too much, but that we settle for too little." C.S. Lewis

Crossing the parking lot as I trekked to work today, the chilled wind chapped my cheeks. The sky maintained it's unpolished pewter luster, with the promise of snow on the horizon. "January is a month for survival" I thought to myself, ducking my head down and picking up my pace into the building.

Now, as I enjoy my coffee and take a quick break from my day, I'm reflecting on that statement. The truth is, in years past, January has been known for delivering me some substantial blows. Even last night, as I considered watching the first night of the American Idol auditions, I remembered where I was a year ago (sequestered by neighborhood unrest and recent car accidents at Dan's apartment) watching the same show. In my past, January has been a month to survive. February is the proverbial Thursday of the calendar (thank God it's Thursday, the weekend is almost here! Spring is in sight! It's merely a shortened month away, in word if not in actual temperature. And word can affect morale, for certain!), and January is that blasted hump-day Wednesday to get over to start breathing in that hope.

What occurs to me is what the word survive implies. Survive means to scrabble through until the end, clinging on for life by the shredded tips of your fingernails. It doesn't exactly bring thoughts of abundant living or beauty to mind. And I wondered, (in my best Carrie Bradshaw voiceover), has my difficult history with January caused me to choose to survive instead of thrive?

As the msuical RENT so beautifully puts it, "the opposite of war isn't peace, it's creation." Bringing something new and beautiful into this world, something better, is what will cause the tide to turn. Not hopes for peace, but active reconciliation through new life. Instead of hunkering down and dreaming of a better day (a better month?) maybe the best way to beat the January survival-itis's is to live in the reality that a better day is already upon us. A day of grace and beauty. Instead of lamenting creative force or healthy feelings, do things to foster those to well up in you again. Break the mold of coming home, eating a beige meal, doing something mindless and then going to sleep. Do something that excites me, that tires me out, that causes me to be engaged with what is going on. It's not any easier in January than it is in June or July, but it is possible. I choose to not settle for survival, I choose life.