stuck

Stuck in sick mode. Sleeping long and hard. Waking with ouchy glands and snot in the head, dead behind the eyes. It's hard to not be able to spark, to find yourself staring off into the distance as if you're waiting.

For me, I'm waiting to be un-sick. Waiting to feel better. Waiting to not be stuck. Stuck between wanting to make plans and to let timing go. Stuck between knowing what I ought to do and not always (usually) doing it. Stuck knowing I need to clean and do laundry and not having the enthusiasm to muster some energy to get it done (or vice versa). Stuck not seeing some people enough on purpose and by life design. Stuck between forward and backward momentum (sometimes). Stuck between wanting and needing. Stuck waiting for some sort of future leading.

Stuck isn't a bad place to be, it's mostly just a place like any other place. Instead of making your hands and feet busy going somewhere or doing something, you keep yourself busy while you wait. You learn, you heal, you persevere and you move on eventually. I'm very aware that I'm in this holding pattern, and have been. But in the same breath, I get to love my wonderful husband, enjoy my job, enjoy my co-workers, enjoy my time here in Minnesota, enjoy my new family and new aspects of life...being stuck affords you time. I suppose that we are only truly stuck when we are not accountable to the time we are afforded. Have you loved enough, laughed enough, cried enough and smiled enough today? Have I learned something about life or myself recently? Have I peeked into the future to see if it's starting to make itself evident lately? Have I prayed, looked, listened or thought at all? Have you?