I'm beginning to think that all of he exxtraneous planning that comes with weddings is really designed to make the waiting for the marriage a bit more bearable. Having something that distracats you, that you're working towards kind of makes the time go by more smoothly. However, I suppose that even the idea that there's something to work towards is important. The joining of two lives together isn't something that should be done on a whim....and done correctly ought to take time and preparation, and planning works towards that end as well.

Ender has been tearing around the house since 4 o'clock, when I woke up because I was too hot. He's finally calmed down and it's time for me to get into the shower, disturbing him again. As I've watched him grow up over these past two weeks, as I've seen him be curious and explore and discover...I find myself wondering what it must be like. To have yourself thrown in with someone who you really can't communicate with, who is more developed than you.....and to be so small and so tiny, to have such a limited range of knowledge and understanding. There's no way to tell him that when I leave to go to work, I'm coming back in a few hours...so he sits beside my door and cries for minutes on end.

And then I realize...this situation of Ender and me....is similar to my situation with God. To our situation with God. Of course, that would make me a crazy cat lady, and I simply can't have that.