Another weekend, come and gone.
I hate that I've felt uncentered lately. A few projects coming up at work that could easily threaten to overwhelm me. Because, if they get pulled off, if they are successes...then it's like I'm doing something right, doing something that I'm supposed to do. Because, when I pause to look around, really....the little things can threathen to overwhelm me too. Life itself easily overhwelms when we pause...because it's then that we also realize that we really have no clue what we're doing. I fall into the category of having a general idea, I know what I'm about, where we're going but the nitty, gritty details...those I'm a bit sketchy on.

And, really, if we stop and think too much you begin to realize that not only do you have no idea what you're doing, but you begin to realize how small we really are, and what a big place the world really is. And how it's been around for so long. And where is heaven? And how can God really care when I feel like I'm drowning? And is there life on other planets? And what about hell? What if the sun dies out before Jesus comes back? And you get this extrapolating experience of the universe expanding all around you as you stand still and watch it.

That's why we stay busy, I think. When we stop. When we pause. When we realize who and what we really are, in the grand scheme of things...life gets real. Fast. Real like you wouldn't believe. And our brains can only handle so much of that input. So we scurry. We rush. We pretend we know what we're doing, and all that matters is this moment or this task. And while being in the moment is wonderful, I'm beginning to think that when the moment is only as big as I am, I'm missing out on where the moment is. Being in the mment of transcendence, of that "there is really some good in the world, there is possibly some good in me", of knowing and feeling what is going on, but sensing that it's more than your personal drama. ... that's something to dwell in. That's real.