28 March 2007

True change never happens overnight. the overnight blossoming and appearances are the fruit of many days, months and year's work. The more damage there is to undo, the longer the change will take. You cannot be everywhere at once. You are doing a fine job, really you are. And the most haunting question of all: are you dried out to a husk because there is no nutrients flowing inside of you? Are you caring for yourself?

posted by Kate @ 11:16 PM 0 Comments

24 March 2007

I feel full. There is no other way to put it. Full of warmth, love, beauty, laughter, peace, amazing friends...and rich food.

The past 9 months have been filled with a few select people knowing me for me, understanding me...and the rest of my relationships either me trying to sell myself to others or that awkward dance of "we're in a working relationship and we don't really know each other yet." There is a certain amount of safety of being able to relax into the presence of those I have lived with, who know me, who have truly seen me at some of my best and worst times....that I don't truly know that I have felt since the last wedding I went to. There is also a definate amount of safety when I find him staring at me, or finding myself in his arms. There is peace there too.

That amazing feeling of knowing and being known. Of being joyful of where you are at, proud of who you are with, uncertain of where you're going in the grand scheme of things and discovering your journey there.

posted by Kate @ 11:55 PM 0 Comments

06 March 2007

I think I liked it better before my mindset was changed. Before worship was communal. Back when my faith was a "me and God" thing, when you could do church on Sunday, do the fun stuff, grow closer but be a lone ranger while you did it. Back when it was just my sin, before I had to think about dealing with other sinful people, much less dealing with systemic sin issues. Back when I didn't have to think through the theology of every praise and worship service, what name I was referring to God with, what that said about me about where I came from about what tradition I was holding to. Back when services didn't have to be integrated with different styles, ages and traditions...when you could pick and choose what kind of Jesus you would worship that day. When I wasn't the leader who had to have it all together, back when services weren't "emergent" and brian mclaren was "evil" and max lucado was everything good and praiseworthy.

When I could go to church just to go to church. When I could choose a church that sung to my heartbeat, I didn't have to work to change the place where I already was. Before I had roots. Before I was called. Before my mindset about what this God-Church-Fellowship-Christianity-Christ Follower-sin thing changed. Back before I realized that sacrifice was mine to give for the collective gain. Back when it was all about me, before my language changed to mostly use "You" and "we." Back before. Back then. When I was naive. When I was wrong.
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This is why I remind you to fan into flames the spiritual gift God gave you when I laid my hands on you. For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. So never be ashamed to tell others about our Lord. And don’t be ashamed of me, either, even though I’m in prison for him. With the strength God gives you, be ready to suffer with me for the sake of the Good News. For God saved us and called us to live a holy life. He did this, not because we deserved it, but because that was his plan from before the beginning of time—to show us his grace through Christ Jesus. And now he has made all of this plain to us by the appearing of Christ Jesus, our Savior. He broke the power of death and illuminated the way to life and immortality through the Good News. And God chose me to be a preacher, an apostle, and a teacher of this Good News.

posted by Kate @ 11:06 PM 0 Comments

04 March 2007

"My Goal -- May '88
At one point at the end of my morning walk I turn a corner and in the distance I can see the bright blue car parked near our house. It is my goal to reach that house I call home, but I've a lot more steps to take before I arrive at my destination. As I walk along I keep my eyes on the pavement where my feet will step because I do not want to stumble and fall. But often I lift my eyes to see the bright blue car which assures me I am nearing -- or coming closer -- to my goal.

The Apostle Paul put is this way --- "Brethern, I do not consider that I have made it my own; but one thing I do, forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on towards the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." This prize or goal was to know Jesus and to be like Him. To gaiin this prize we need to keep our eyes on our "walk" so we do not stumble or fall, but also keep our eyes on the gol ahead to keep our destination in view. Phil. 3:13, 14. I'll make it through Chrust who strengthens me."

"50th Anniversary -- July 1988

It doesn't seem possible -- it just doesn't seem possible that Charles and I have been married for fifty years. Sometimes it seems to have passed so quickly and at other times it is hard to remember when I wasn't married. But there were those first eighteen years of my life that I am recalling as I am in the process of writing my life story.

The two young persons who stood together at the altar of the church and took solemn vows before God to love, honor, cherish and obey (yes, obey!) each other so long "as we both shall live" are strangers to me as I call the, to mind. We are now, fifty years later, almost totally differen persons than we were that night of July 16, 1938.

Looking back, we marvel at what changes and turns our life has made through the years, and we are more certain each day that it was God who brought us together; God who has led us along, and who has kept us together and faithful to each other. He led us into the ministry of his Church when the time was right and has given us over forty years to serve him through the Methodist church.

He has led us through some lean years financially - but we never have been hungry or homless. He has led us through some dark valleys and some deep waters and in each situation He has brought us through together -- stronger and wiser, and greatly blessed. He has caused us many time to walk by faith since it was impopssible to come back into the sunshine where we could plainly see that His way was best.

We have come to realize that nothing -- nothing -- has happened to us without his knowledge and his permissive will. That there is a reason for all things, and that they will work together for good to those who love the Lord and are called according to his purpose. Romans 12:1-2

God blessed our union with three wonderful children; each of them prayed for, wanted, and loved. Each of them brought to us their own particular joy. Each one blessed our life, and brought us closer to the Lord. Each one gave us to precious grandchildren to love and enjoy.

Now they have their own home. Ardith is in her heavenly home with her heavenly Father whom she loves. Laura and Lee have their own lives apart from us, yet near us in the Spirit of love. Yes, very near.

So Charles and I are once again in our own earthly home -- just us two together as we were fifty years ago. So many years -- so many days -- approximately 18,200 days with very few of them spent apart.

We've walked a winding pathway -- sometimes steep, sometimes rocky, sometimes slippery, sometimes mooth; but always together with th eLord leading most of the wya. I say "most," because occasionally we'd stray off the charted way, but He always led us gently back. We've always wanted to do his will thought I'm sure we have failed many times. "But the steadfast love of God is forever!" Praise the Lord.

Fifty years -- it still seems impossible, but it is a reality, and we pray that each day in the Lord is a new beginning of many more happy years together."

"August 26, 1988

Dear Kate -- so bright and lively -- so challenging! I think she never learned to walk, but progressed promptly from a crawl to a run! She never walks anywhere -- just runs and bounces about, with her hair also on the move. I think too, that is why she sleeps so well at night!

but we had some quiet times when she came for her visit -- times lying on the bed reading or swining in the porch swing. Or blowing bubbles in the yard.

Often she'd say "Grandma, tell me about when you were a little girl -- tell me about when your brother set your cradle on first --" or "tell me about when you got your hands burned in hot candy..." She never tires of hearing these stories over and over. She delighted in little silly songs I'd make up and sing to her. Dannae loves this too.

These two little girls are the primary reasons I decided to write my "Life Story." I hope that in the years to come -- perhaps when I am no longer with them - they will read it and that it will help them remember me."

--Verda Burner