28 March 2006

I had forgotten how much I love hookah. After 2 hours last week, I'm remembering.

Trying to keep my head above water in the midst of returning from a week of relative calm and low-stress. ACR always being the constant stressor -- Simone and I have a contest going for who can turn in their notice first. Winner buys the other drinks (as they will be stuck there longer). So many responsibilities, I'm wondering how everything will get done. Thus, I blog? I blog to avoid this stress, but I blog because I don't know what to say anymore. I know there are things that I want to say...I simply don't have the heart to put them into words.

posted by Kate @ 10:18 AM 0 Comments

15 March 2006

Can I be honest for a minute? Just a minute. Just a minute's worth of blazing honesty, then I'll slink away for another few weeks or so of ambivalent drivel. Okay.

I am so tired. I am tired of how work has simply consumed my life. It's stressed me out and the thing is, this is a PART TIME job. Yes, these are people's lives that I'm dealing with, but seriously, I think that I've started griding my teeth in my sleep. I'm tired of work and I'm frustrated with myself for feeling so unmotivated all the time. I want change, right? But I'm not willing to sacrifice and make the effort to actually change it?

I am, however, so happy that Kyle and I had Perkins time last night. Lovelovelove that kid, it was a great time. Sometimes, after talks like that, I don't necessarily feel like I could conquer the world, or even necessarily more sane or like I've learned something about myself...but I feel more human. I feel more in touch with the world outside the Bubble, more intouch with my heart, more in touch with laughter and joy and trivial things. And as much as I left feeling that way last night, he's a friend who can talk deep with me too. Similar note, yay for Dustin getting here THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW. It's almost like I've been holding my breath since he committed to coming and my lips are about to turn blue and I'm getting dizzy from the lack of air but I know that I can make it a few more hours. I'm that kind of excited. Because when D gets here, it's like it's real. Like this trip is actually happening.

And to be honest, I don't know how this trip is going to go. I don't know what this trip will bring, and for once I'm okay with that. I'm hesitant and a little nervous about some parts of it, but I feel confidnet (also) that I will pull through, that it will be okay, that if we've made it this far...then who knows what we can handle. I'm nervous, but hopeful. I'm anxious, but at peace. I have joy.

And yes, that's only a minute's worth. You just need to learn to read faster.

posted by Kate @ 8:37 AM 0 Comments

06 March 2006

Flute etudes

Sitting in the music lounge at school. Someone is in a practice room down the hall. Practicing flute. I miss making music. I miss the feeling of creating beauty. I miss creating, adding meaning.

I miss music. Not necessarily even the flute, but just music. Life needs more music in it.